By Jeff Moss
DetroitSportsRag@GMail.com
November 9, 2014

Many moons ago, Mitch Albom hosted a Sunday evening sports program on WLLZ (98.7-FM) that would occasionally broadcast live from E.G. Nicks restaurant in West Bloomfield.

At this point, I am actually embarrassed to admit that I almost never missed a chance to watch “Condescending Baggins” perform his “Sunday Sports Albom” in person while chowing down on the best breadsticks ever known to mankind.

But approximately 20 years have passed since I would attend these live remotes and in the meantime ….. WLLZ is gone; E.G Nick’s went out of business; the building that housed the diner has been torn down; and Frodo Albom has become one of the biggest jokes on the Detroit Sports Media scene.

Today, if this “Keebler Elf”-looking motherfucker were broadcasting his show from a treehouse in my backyard, I would close the drapes and call the cops.

I have spent a lot of time in this space over the last few years chronicling Albom’s transition from a somewhat entertaining sports columnist to a death-obsessed novella writer who in his spare time plays the role of the old man yelling “GET OFF MY LAWN!!” — when he is not either saving the nation of Haiti from ruin or occasionally writing sports articles that mock MATH.

In the late 80s and early 90s, I read every Albom column; bought every book he published; and was a devoted listener to his radio show. Now? I try to ignore his garbage work until one of my minions sends me an email with the subject line, “Have you fucking read this yet?”

And this week has not been kind to “Condescending Baggins.” On Tuesday, it was announced that Albom didn’t earn induction into the Michigan Sports Hall of Fame despite being on the ballot. Hopefully, the Mateen Cleaves/Jason Richardson debacle keeps him out for good and if not, at the very least they could place his bust next to William Clay Ford, Sr. in the “How The Fuck Did We Induct This Person?” wing of the museum.

And then Friday, in the pages of the Detroit Free Press, Frodo might have hit absolute rock bottom with one of the most cringe-inducing “columns” I have ever read.

Albom reprised his “Dr. Football” persona and answered questions from either himself or desperate readers in maybe the least funny or clever post in Free Press history. And that is saying something considering that this is a paper that has employed Michael “Catskills” Rosenberg, Jeff Seidel and George Puscas over the years.

The hardest part about writing this particular blog piece is narrowing down the worst parts of this trash because almost every line was putrid. I probably should just repost the whole travesty, but instead I pared it down to the following excerpts:

Hey, Dr. Football. Is it just me, or is Tom Brady starting to lose his hair?

Knock it off, Peyton.

Dear Dr. Football. Please tell me that Calvin Johnson will play this week.

All right. Calvin Johnson will play this week.

Really?

Who knows? You asked me to tell you.

Come on, Dr. Football. The Patriots aren’t that great. They get all the calls. So does their quarterback! 

Knock it off, Peyton.

Dr. Football, can you say anything for sure about Michigan’s next athletic director?

He won’t come from a pizza company.

President Tom Lewand said the Lions returning to London is the first time an NFL team has “gone back in back-to-back years.” Doesn’t that sound suspiciously like the Beatles song, “Get back”?

Jojo was a man who thought he was a Lion.

How did Nike explain dropping Peterson? 

Just blew it.

Is Urban Meyer really that good?

You should see his brother, Rural.

When will Ray Rice be back in the NFL?

Sometime before O.J.

Are you fucking serious? This man was actually paid to write THAT?!?!? And nobody employed at the paper thought it might have been a good idea to act as if there were an email problem when this came across their desk?

You should see his brother, Rural. 

I mean ……

Stage-4 pancreatic cancer, Dane Cook and the Holocaust Museum in Farmington Hills are funnier than this column.

I would say this piece is the past-his-prime Mitch Albom equivalent of Willie Mays in a New York Mets uniform, but the Hall of Fame centerfielder actually put up a .746 OPS in his two years in Flushing Meadows so I have no clue what to compare this imbecilic, unfunny nonsense to.

At the bottom of Frodo’s Dr. Football article — and can you imagine his malpractice insurance rates skyrocketing after this piece was published — his editor provided Albom’s email address for FUTURE “Dr. Football” columns.

They actually plan on doing this AGAIN!!!! Well, instead of asking this washed-up embarrassment a football related question, I sent the following email to his account:

As of this writing, I have not received a response from the Pigskin Physician. I will let you know if I do.

In closing, I would like to leave you with a few Tweets from respected freelance writer Bill Bradley’s account on Friday. Bradley has been published in Vanity Fair and Deadspin in the past, among other outlets.

Mitch Albom is still out in these streets writing garbage columns and stacking paper. Free Press needs to get a clue. http://t.co/n1l9G5ynwV

— Bill Bradley (@BillBradley3) November 7, 2014

So many bright young writers in Detroit and the Free Press is running a column in which Albom calls himself “Dr. Football.”

— Bill Bradley (@BillBradley3) November 7, 2014

And I don’t need to remind you all that Albom straight up fabricated shit and kept his job. — Bill Bradley (@BillBradley3) November 7, 2014

The Detroit Free Press employs three sports columnists — Drew Sharp, Seidel and Albom. And these papers wonder why readership is at an all-time low.

Right, Peyton?

By Jeff Moss
DetroitSportsRag@GMail.com
November 9, 2014

Earlier today I posted an article ripping Mitch “Condescending Baggins” Albom for his latest “mail it in” column posted in the sports section of the Detroit Free Press.

The article — which MIGHT have taken Frodo five minutes to concoct — was a “Q & A” with Albom playing the role of “Dr. Football.” Not to be confused, of course, with famous football writer. Dr. Z (Paul Zimmeran), who has suffered three strokes over the last few years leaving him completely debilitated.

Because even the former Sports Illustrated pigskin aficionado could pen a better column TODAY than this Albom drivel and Dr. Z hasn’t been able to write a solitary word since 2008.

Anyway, I have been able to get to the bottom of the mystery of why the afterlife-fixated diminutive writer would continue to sully his reputation with this sort of work.

You aren’t going to believe this one.

I have discovered that Albom’s contract with the Freep calls for him to write a certain number of articles each year. And if you quickly browse through his archives, you can see he hasn’t been very active in 2014.

From what I have learned, Albom planned on meeting his Freep quota by submitting columns on Lions games and Tigers postseason contests. Yep. Tigers playoff games.

And as we all know, there were only THREE of those contests this fall, putting a crimp in the Keebler Elf’s plans. And as “Deadwood” show runner David Milch always likes to say, “Announcing your plans is a good way to hear God laugh.”

Hey, Mitch you can use that line in your next novella about Elohim, Mother Nature, Father Time or the Easter Bunny. 

Anyway, this is all a numbers game for Albom. He only has 52 days left to meet his quota and, like a cop pulling over unsuspecting drivers at the end of the month for driving six miles over the speed limit, Mitch is getting a tad desperate.

Hence …. Dr. Football!!!!!!

Seriously, this muppet has been honored THIRTEEN times as the nation’s best sportswriter. 13 times!!!! In 2010, he was given the prestigious Red Smith Award for Lifetime Achievement by the APSE. He is world-renowned for his book, “Tuesday’s with Morrie.”

And just this past year he was placed on the ballot for induction into the Michigan Sports Hall of Fame. Not a HOF for writers and journalists but a museum that includes Gordie Howe, Barry Sanders and now Derek Jeter.

And he is defecating all over his legacy with columns like Friday’s where he thinks it is clever to make a “Rural” Meyer joke.

I am not the only one who is noticing how Albom is embarrassing himself at this stage of his career.

Grantland’s Bill Barnwell — the dude who took over Bill Simmons’ NFL picks column when the Sports Douche was suspended by ESPN – Tweeted this out Friday afternoon.

Mitch Albom: Dr. Football is in – open wide & say, ‘hike!’ http://t.co/jSfc1Lyvj2

— Bill Barnwell (@billbarnwell) November 7, 2014

And then NFL writer Gregg Rosenthal chimed in ….

@billbarnwell I’m annoyed you brought that article into my life. — gregg rosenthal (@greggrosenthal) November 7, 2014

It was then time for NFL.com personality Dave Dameshek to mock Frodo …

@greggrosenthal @billbarnwell Oof…outrageously nauseating stuff.

— Dave Dameshek (@Dameshek) November 7, 2014

We are not done here. This was Sports Illustrated writer Doug Farrar’s take …..

This. Is. So. Awful. Damn you, @billbarnwell… http://t.co/fVKU9mh8KY — SI_DougFarrar (@SI_DougFarrar) November 8, 2014

Remember Jason La Canfora? He actually used to write for the Freep. He covered the Red Wings beat for the paper a few years back.

@billbarnwell wow, they actually printed that

— Jason La Canfora (@JasonLaCanfora) November 9, 2014

Here is one last takedown from Michael David Smith of ProFootballTalk.com …..

@JasonLaCanfora @billbarnwell When it’s Mitch Albom they print it. If a freelancer submitted that the Free Press editors would laugh at him. — Michael David Smith (@MichaelDavSmith) November 9, 2014

These are public remarks on Albom’s garbage from his well-respected peers. It’s not just another nasty rant from Crazy ‘Ol Juff Myst.

And here is the best part. Even after getting all of that feedback from his brethren, Barnwell was so appalled by Albom’s Special Delivery Jones column that he TWEETED IT AGAIN ……

ICYMI: Mitch Albom: Dr. Football is in – open wide & say, ‘hike!’ http://t.co/jSfc1Lyvj2

— Bill Barnwell (@billbarnwell) November 7, 2014

Hahahahhahahahahahahahahaahaahaha.

In case you missed it, here is this abortion of an article one more time!!!!

This is your legacy, Mitch. You’ve become a laughingstock in your own profession. You have prioritized your radio program on WJR; writing awful books for menopausal women; and adapting those hokey novellas for television movies higher than your gig at the Free Press.

And because you have to meet a quota with the paper, you resort to “Dr. Football.”  How much money is enough, Frodo? You’ve made a gazillion dollars selling your novels so I’ve gotta ask a question ….

How much is your name worth?

Because you might want to start sitting bedside with your sportswriting career every Tuesday for awhile; I just saw a report about it by Ted Koppel on “Nightline” and shit looks REALLY grim.

By Jeff Moss
DetroitSportsRag@GMail.com
November 10, 2014

When the DSR debuted back in 2003, one of the staples of the websight™ (Terry Foster) was the Moronic Media Quote of the Day.

Back then, I used to listen to approximately six hours of sports talk radio A DAY and the only way to keep my sanity (mission NOT accomplished) was to post the asinine comments that were being made on 1130 and 1270.

Once Howard Stern left terrestrial radio for Sirius in 2006, I gave up local sports talk cold turkey and probably haven’t listened to six hours TOTAL since. So the MMQOTD went out the window.

I think I will bring it back periodically and our favorite piñata, Lynn Henning, was the impetus for this latest installment with this Tweet from earlier this morning ……

Have to agree with Harris Frommer, one of the smartest baseball guys I know: Hernan Perez as good or better than Omar Infante at same age.

— Lynn G. Henning (@Lynn_Henning) November 10, 2014

I am not going to spend a lot of time on this. I will just let Baseball-Reference do the talking.

Here are Hernan Perez’s MLB stats through age 23:

He are Omar Infante’s MLB numbers through age 23:

I wouldn’t even know where to begin …..

By Jeff Moss
DetroitSportsRag@GMail.com
November 10, 2014

Last summer, I wrote an article regarding the contentious off-air relationship between Fox Sports Detroit broadcasters Mario Impemba and Rod Allen.

Sources had informed me that the relationship between the two Tigers TV announcers was so awful that FSD executives had to bring the two in for a meeting to discuss their unhealthy behavior; the broadcast team was also shown images of famous duos that had broken up over personality issues.

Ya know, like Martin and Lewis and Simon and Garfunkel.

Based on what the DetroitSportsRag has learned over the past week, it would appear that not only has the off-microphone relationship failed to improve, those same FSD execs now believe that the overall chilliness between the pair has seeped into the actual broadcast.

I have been told that Rod and Mario’s bosses had a meeting last week to discuss this ongoing issue and some at company believe the lack of chemistry between the two led to a ratings decline for Tigers broadcasts in 2014.

[Full Disclosure. I do not like Impemba and Allen. I think they are awful slapdick homers who wouldn't recognize an advanced metric if it slapped them upside the head. And the idea of Allen getting clocked in the dome by BABIP just made me laugh.

My dislike for this broadcast team is so great that I watch Tigers games on mute all season long and listen to SiriusXM, podcasts or my iPhone music. But it has nothing at ALL to do with their chemistry. It's just because they suck really, really bad. And they're dumb. Like, really dumb.

The idea that Tigers fans give two shits about whether or not Mario and Rod like each other or dine out on the road is laughable. People tune in to FSD to watch the TIGERS PLAY. Bill Maher and the head of ISIS could be the 2015 tandem and the only thing that would matter would be the product on the field.

If ratings went down it's because the team is incredibly frustrating on a night-to-night basis and the Tigers underachieved for a large portion of the season after their incredible start. That's why ratings went down. No other reason. /Full Disclosure.]

Anyway, I am told that the meeting last week focused on what to do about this issue and whether or not a third person should be part of the broadcast team in 2015.

As you probably already know, former Tigers’ ace Jack Morris (an actual member of the ’84 World Series championship team and not someone who only had 27 at-bats that season) tagged along in September for some of the telecasts as an added voice.

According to my sources, just about the only item that Allen and Impemba can agree upon is their absolute distaste for having to share the booth with Morris — or anyone else for that matter.

Further complicating this issue is that the FSD honchos were not impressed with Morris’ September cameo appearances. And any idea of Morris joining the booth as a permanent third wheel has been quashed.

So, here is what we are hearing about the meeting last week to discuss 2015 Tigers television broadcasts:

• While Morris won’t be added permanently, the executives do like the concept of a third voice in the booth. Instead of it being one new hire though, it is more likely that they will rotate a few ex-players in that role. From day one it has been believed that FSD wanted John Smoltz for the permanent role, so maybe they will be able to get him on a more limited basis. Dan Petry would obviously make sense as well.
• At this time, there is no plan to fire either Allen or Impemba. But if push comes to shove I am told that it will be Rod Allen on the outside looking in. Mainly because Impemba is in tight with the Ilitch family. It is also MUCH more difficult to find a competent play-by-play man.
• The level of hatred between Mario and Rod cannot be overstated; they already have been lectured on this subject and now secret meetings are being held to see what can be done about it.
• The higher-ups believe that adding Morris to the team lit a fire under Impemba and Allen, which created a better broadcast.

That’s what we know at this point. Part of me didn’t even want to post this article because it’s just another heads-up to Allen to get his act straightened out; there is nothing I’d love more than to see him get axed and replaced with an advocate of sabermetrics.

But the news stops for no man, even though I am probably hurting myself by hitting “Submit” right now.

Oh well, I will always have the mute button.

By Jeff Moss
DetroitSportsRag@GMail.com
November 10, 2014

Truth time. I am an obsessive user of Tweetdeck on my laptop. It’s a great way to follow all of the Detroit sports media members on Twitter who block me plus I can schedule Tweets for when I am at work or otherwise occupied.

Actually, a lot of the Tweets you read of mine are scheduled hours earlier. Especially the ones that are spamming my articles and blog posts. This works out perfectly 99% of the time. The one exception is when it comes to Lynn Henning.

Ya see, if you plan for a Tweet linking an article about something asinine Henning said at 1 o’clock for 7 pm there is an excellent chance that the Detroit News writer will accomplish something even more idiotic during the six hours in between.

And that is what occurred this evening. Between the moment I awarded “The Deacon” today’s Moronic Media Quote of the Day and the time my scheduled Tweet was to post the news broke that “Go Soak Your Head” Lynn placed Tigers third baseman Nick Castellanos third on his AL Rookie of the Year ballot.

Of course, it was the only vote that Castellanos received because the other voters weren’t fucking lunatics. Lynn’s ballot read like this:

1) Jose Abreu, White Sox
2) Dellin Betances, Yankees
3) Nick Castellanos, Tigers

Yes, Henning place Nick C. ahead of Matt Shoemaker (who finished second), Yordano Ventura, Collin McHugh and Masahiro Tanaka among others.

Now, keep in mind that Castellanos WAR in 2014 was MINUS POINT FIVE. In other words, Lynn Henning thinks a guy who didn’t even play at a replacement player level was the third best rookie in the American League this season.

Local product Shoemaker helped pitch the Angels into the postseason with a 3.o4 ERA, 3.26 FIP and WAR of 2.1.

McHugh posted a 2.73 ERA, a FIP of 3.11 and a WAR of 3.3 for the Astros.

Incredibly they were on the positive ledger of the Win Above Replacement ledger!!!!!

How lousy was Castellanos this year for the Tigers? Well, my fingers are tired from typing so I will hand this off to ESPN.com’s fine baseball scribe David Schoenfield …….

Yep, thanks mainly to Castellanos’ awful defense at the hot corner, the Tigers third base position was the weakest link in ALL OF BASEBALL.

3.7 wins.

BELOW AVERAGE.

And Lynn Henning rewarded that with an AL Rookie of the Year vote. I shit you not.

What is most amazing about Henning’s man crush on Castellanos is while he continues to completely ignore Nick’s defensive shortcomings (-30 defensive runs saved!!!!!!!!!!!) this dementia patient constantly bagged on Jhonny Peralta for the shortstop’s perceived weakness in the field over the years.

In order for Peralta to compensate for ground balls that should be grabbed, he would need to hit closer to .400. Doubt that’s happening.

— Lynn G. Henning (@Lynn_Henning) May 13, 2013

Who can forget all of the times that Henning tried to run Peralta out of town — even though Castellanos makes Jhonny look like Ozzie Smith in the field — for DANNY WORTH!!!!

Tigers finally pondering Danny Worth as next year’s ss. About time. Play he made Sunday was a game-saver. Bat concerns? Heard of J. Peralta?

— Lynn G. Henning (@Lynn_Henning) October 9, 2012

The hypocrisy is absolutely startling. Not to mention, Peralta is actually a quality defender if you look at the metrics!!!! I am pretty sure based on Lynn Henning Math, Nick Castellanos would have to hit .865 to counterbalance his defensive liabilities.

I am going to go out on a limb and guess that Castellanos will be the last player this offseason with a WAR under ZERO to appear on an awards ballot.

Of course, we still haven’t seen John Lowe’s vote yet.

This fucking website is becoming a full-time job.

By Jeff Moss
DetroitSportsRag@GMail.com
November 11, 2014

I am a huge fan of social media. Without the invention of Twitter, I don’t think the DetroitSportsRag would even exist any longer; due to the lack of a big advertising budget, I was becoming increasingly frustrated with this website’s expansion, or lack thereof.

And for years now, we have used Facebook to house the DSR’s message board(s).

However, social media in general is awful.

For every benefit of Twitter and Facebook — which includes being able to spread my message to a much wider audience — there are about 100 drawbacks. From dummies Tweeting every moment of their mundane lives, to narcissistic nut jobs posting nonsense like this every five minutes …..

Anyone with an IQ north of 100 who has spent five minutes on Facebook knows about the negative aspects of social media. But one of the more annoying trends lately has been the use of the politically correct, “lynch mob” mentality by so-called enlightened people to crush any person whose behavior they deem inappropriate.

What bothers me is, in a lot of instances, people whom I otherwise respect engage in this policing. For example, a few months ago when Tigers manager Brad Ausmus made a dumb joke about going home and beating his wife after a tough loss, you would have thought the guy actually went to his residence and abused his spouse with a Louisville Slugger.

I can’t imagine what kind of psychopath you have to be to even *think* about joking about beating your wife.

— keithlaw (@keithlaw) June 19, 2014

I mean, it WAS an idiotic joke but let’s save the clinical diagnosis of antisocial behavior for the numerous people who actually hit their wives and don’t just crack wise about it. And I am as big a Keith Law mark as you will find.

This issue came to a head for me last week after comedian Artie Lange made a series of controversial jokes on Twitter last Tuesday. Based on the social media reaction, you would have thought that the dude beheaded Bambi while urinating on an amputee veteran on national television.

Now, I am a huge fan of Artie Lange. I have purchased his books; seen his standup live; and I will go to my grave insisting that the halcyon days of the “Howard Stern Show” were the years when Lange was sitting just a few feet to the left of the King of All Media.

But to tell you the truth, I didn’t find the jokes that got Lange in hot water last week regarding ESPN’s “First Take” host Cari Champion to be very funny. 

Trying to maintain erection and jerkoff to chick on First Take but they keep cutting back to Stephen A Smith and the white guy. Frustrating! — Artie Lange (@artiequitter) November 4, 2014

I want the Chick on First Take to laugh at my white dick!

— Artie Lange (@artiequitter) November 4, 2014

Trying to maintain erection and jerkoff to chick on First Take but they keep cutting back to Stephen A Smith and the white guy. Frustrating!

— Artie Lange (@artiequitter) November 4, 2014

Here’s the scenario I’m using to jerkoff to chick on First Take I’m T. Jefferson & she’s my slave. She beats the shit out of me & runs free — Artie Lange (@artiequitter) November 4, 2014

Then I cum and she’s free! The Happiest ending ever! — Artie Lange (@artiequitter) November 4, 2014

Then as reparations I make Skip Baylis my slave! — Artie Lange (@artiequitter) November 4, 2014

Hey @CariChampion lets me and you get busy! — Artie Lange (@artiequitter) November 4, 2014

I attempt to whip @CariChampion cuz she disrespected the Jefferson Plantation but she grabs whip & beats me I cum like a fat founding father — Artie Lange (@artiequitter) November 4, 2014

After having 8 illegitimate kids together @CariChampion & I marry at The Knights of Columbus in Linden New Jersey. Prob with that?! F- Off! — Artie Lange (@artiequitter) November 4, 2014

Again, Lange’s biggest crime here was not being humorous. (Other than the one about Champion laughing at his white dick, which did get a laugh from me.) Look, if Lange had made these jokes at Yuk Yuks or The Funny Bone he probably would have bombed and gone about his business.

[Hell, if Lange was still on Stern doing similar material it might have killed. Unfortunately for the former broadcaster, future podcaster he picked the wrong medium to make these sort of jokes.]

But instead, he posted his thoughts on the Twat Box where there are thousands and thousands of people who are just looking to be offended by the next controversy. That way, they can stand up to the awful perpetrator; defend the honor of the aggrieved victim; call for the banishment of the offender; and then feel much better about themselves.

Because, ya know, they really did SOMETHING. These delusional imbeciles think they are the modern-day versions of the civil rights advocates who marched from Selma to Montgomery.

Because of the above JOKES, Lange has been banned by ESPN — I guess the Baby Gorilla won’t be appearing on “Numbers Never Lie” anytime soon — and has had an appearance on Comedy Central canceled.

Comedy Central?!?!?!?? Have they ever heard the shit coming out of the mouths of Jeffrey Ross and Anthony Jeselnik during their televised roasts?

Banned by COMEDY CENTRAL?!!?!?? Did they forget they aired this set by the late, great Greg Giraldo?

In reaction to Lange’s Tweets, Keith Olbermann made Artie one of last Tuesday evening’s “Worst Persons in the World,” which the comedian probably deserved in tongue-in-cheek fashion.

But in Olbermann’s remarks he referenced Lange’s two failed suicide attempts and his time in a mental institution, closing with the question of whose bright idea was it to let Lange out of the insane asylum the last time. Really, Keith? Over some JOKES you went THERE?

If you watch that Giraldo video, you see that the deceased comedian made jokes about the Holocaust and beastiality, even comparing Warren Sapp to King Kong because the former Bucs defensive lineman is black!

But it was FUNNY so no one said a word. Once again, Lange’s biggest crime wasn’t his subject matter but the JOKES not going over. Unless you think that the subject of slavery can never be broached by a comedian. Well, the most successful comedian working today (Louis CK) closed his last HBO special on that very topic.

The ironic part of all of this is that the folks who are so enraged over Lange trying to be funny while using slavery as a backdrop probably angrily Tweeted their dismay and disgust on an iPhone or iPad.

Which, as Louis points out in that above clip, is A FUCKING PRODUCT OF ACTUAL SLAVERY!!!!

One of the loudest voices coming to the rescue of Champion was her fellow ESPN employee, Jemele Hill. You might remember Hill from her days working for the Detroit Free Press. Hell, she even wrote one article for THIS website which her bosses made us take down because she wasn’t allowed to freelance (though that didn’t stop her from trying to get a check out of us). This was one of her many comments on Lange ……

Ppl must realize @artiequitter‘s disgusting tweets to @CariChampion also is him joking about rape. Didn’t realize that was “comedy.” — Jemele Hill (@jemelehill) November 5, 2014

So now you can add rape to the list of subjects that can never be referenced in a comedian’s act. Someone had better alert Sarah Silverman, who I believe has a uterus ….

Oh and Hill and her white horse must have forgotten that SHE HERSELF GOT SUSPENDED a few years ago for making a supposedly inappropriate comparison between the Boston Celtics and the Nazi regime.

And for the record, Hill shouldn’t have been suspended for that either.

But that is the hypocritical world we live in. Where the easily offended grab their pitchforks and call for the scalp of whomever dares to be edgy or controversial. This group think can even include those who have been VICTIMS of such nonsense in the past.

We live in a world where a basically anonymous person can make a stupid joke about AIDS in Africa before boarding a flight and her career is ruined before she even lands on the continent. And then she is fired.

Where a controversial comedian makes a joke about a tsunami and loses a lucrative advertising deal where his job is to sound like a DUCK. Because, I am sure no one at Aflac was familiar with Gilbert Gottfried’s act before they hired him.

Not too long ago, Jimmy Kimmel appeared on the radio show of Lange’s former boss and the late-night television host told Stern he is well aware that at any given time he could Tweet something out that could instantly end his ABC program’s existence.

And thanks to this current climate, where the PC Twitter Police are on the lookout for any perceived bigotry, misogyny or homophobia — whether real or imagined — so they can add another pelt to their wall, we are in danger of entering a period of the most antiseptic comedy we’ve ever seen.

The message is loud and clear. If you want to be edgy or experimental you do so at the risk of having your career end at a moment’s notice.

Because if you want to make jokes about killing a spouse and her [boy]friend with a knife and explain that, while you don’t agree with the crime, you UNDERSTAND it …..

Well, you better be as funny as Chris Rock at all fucking times.

It’s all very depressing. Hell, I have half a mind to down a gallon of Clorox bleach and take a Pampered Chef knife to my gut.

Oh no, I just made a joke about Artie Lange’s most recent suicide attempt.

I hope he doesn’t rat me out to Awful Announcing and Bomani Jones.

By Jeff Moss
DetroitSportsRag@GMail.com
November 13, 2014

It was announced earlier this evening that Mike Trout of the Los Angeles Angels of Southern California, Orange County, USA won his first American League MVP award.

In a unanimous vote by the Baseball Writers’ Association of America, the best young player in the HISTORY of the sport was finally recognized for his greatness. Tigers’ DH Victor Martinez finished second. In the same fashion that Twice a Prince placed in the 1973 Belmont.

This wasn’t exactly Susan Lucci winning her first Daytime Emmy after years of being shunned, but it sure felt that way since Trout should have been picking up his third MVP award tonight instead of his first.

In fact, in about 15 years, learned men will look back at the 2012 and 2013 AL MVP results and wonder what the hell was going on. The BBWAA will probably have to offer a formal apology to Trout just like the Catholic Church is always offering mea culpas years after the fact (Galileo; not doing enough during the Holocaust; raping young boys; just pick one…).

Not only is Trout on pace to become the greatest baseball player to ever live, he is on this trajectory at an insanely young age.

@JeffMossDSR Trout is half a year younger than Devon Travis and 2 days older than Moya for persepctive. Good Lord

— Fred G Sanford. (@bulabula1) November 14, 2014

It would seem that the only people in the free world who don’t appreciate the special talent we are witnessing with Trout are Tigers fans and the anti-math crowd.

Anyway, before the AL MVP slaughter was announced, “Medicated” Jason Beck posted an article on Tigers.com explaining why Victor Martinez should win the AL MVP this year. I am not going to bust Beck’s balls too much on this because I think MLB put him up to it.

This position piece was then placed on the Tigers’ Facebook page, which led to an awesome collage of comments from fans of Detroit’s baseball team. This is so fucking good.

I used to think Lions fans were the dumbest people on the face of Planet Urf, but I am starting to think Tigers fans have overtaken them for the crown. I swear, I wish could come back in my next life as a dictator and throw all of these imbeciles in an internment camp. Where Keith Law, Jonah Keri, Gabe Kapler, Bill James and Brian Kenny took turns instructing them on sabermetrics ALL DAY LONG. Until the morons hanged themselves with bed sheets.

So here are some of the awesome Facebook comments by these dolt Tigers fans regarding Trout winning the MVP trophy over their beloved V-Mart.

If I were you, I’d read ALL of these in Scott “Whale” Anderson’s dumb voice …..

I’ve got nothing.

By Jeff Moss
DetroitSportsRag@GMail.com
November 13, 2014

Good morning. It’s Dr. Baseball here to answer your hardball questions. I will hold office hours each week, right here in this rent-free space. First question?

Why are you called “Dr. Baseball?”

For an explanation, you should click here and here.

Why are you starting this after the baseball season has ended?

I have a quota of articles to write this year and I am getting perilously close to not fulfilling that obligation so I have to write brainless columns like this to appease the real owner of the DetroitSportsRag.com.

What did you think of the Devon Travis for Anthony Gose trade?

I am not a fan of the deal and it has nothing to do with trading away Travis … who, coincidentally enough, was named the team’s #1 prospect by Baseball America earlier in the day — which is like being labeled the most sober Kennedy at a Hyannis Port family function.

Travis may or may not pan out (and based on Dave Dombrowski’s history of developing position players, he won’t) plus the team does have a plethora of young middle infielders — if you believe Jose Iglesias’s shins will heal and Eugenio Suarez and Hernan Perez can develop into serviceable major leaguers.

No, what bothers me about the acquisition of Gose from the Blue Jays is this seems to be the Tigers’ answer to their centerfield problem, if the words of “Divot Chin Dave” from Wednesday night are to be believed:

“We think he’s a guy that has a chance to be our everyday centerfielder, or close to it. That’s why we brought him on board.”

Based on everything we have seen from Gose in his minor league career (2008-2014), he averaged a Don Kelly-esque .715 OPS; combined with his offensive numbers over 552 career MLB at-bats, the dude projects as a fourth outfielder.

Seriously, the team’s farm system is a decimated wasteland. They just traded away a guy who is considered their best farmhand by a legitimate publication for a rich man’s Terrance Gore. What an indictment of the Dombrowski regime that he couldn’t develop someone like Gose INTERNALLY.

The 2015 Tigers were absolutely primed to acquire a lefty centerfielder who could strictly platoon with Rajai Davis (.939 OPS vs. southpaws in 2014) and the best the front-office could come up with is a light-hitting bust of a prospect who actually had a reverse platoon split last season ……. in BUFFALO ….. of the INTERNATIONAL LEAGUE.

Yep, in AAA Gose had an anemic OPS of .609 vs. righties and .722 vs. lefties. Facing the Kyle Lobsteins and Duane Belows of the world.

If the Tigers head to camp with an outfield combination of Davis, Gose, Tyler Collins and J.D. Martinez we are one clock striking midnight at the ball™ (Cinderella) away from having one of the worst outfields ever assembled. That’s a hell of a lot of pressure on a dude who is one year removed from being Rule 5 eligible and a DFA.

Oh well, at least Gose is adept defensively. So I am going to focus on the positive aspect of this trade …….

I found a positive to the deal. When Avila, Iglesias and Gose are due up to start an inning, it will be a good time to make a sandwich,

— Jeff Moss (@JeffMossDSR) November 13, 2014

Do you know where I can get some good cocaine near the old Shea Stadium?

I’m Dr. Baseball, not Doc Gooden.

Why are you so down on Gose’s hitting abilities? Tigers’ hitting coach Wally Joyner sees a lot of potential there.

Yeah, and infield coach Omar Vizquel thought Alex Gonzalez still had plenty left in the tank to play shortstop last spring. How the fuck did that work out for ya?

So what did you think about the Victor Martinez signing?

I’ve got nothing earth shattering to say here as ESPN and Fangraph’s contributor Dan Szymborski summed it up perfectly …..

Tigers are like at 2 AM and there are 300 people and 4 kegs at the party. At that point, you’re gonna have nightmare cleanup. Enjoy party.

— Dan Szymborski (@DSzymborski) November 12, 2014

Here is my problem with the current Tigers business model. EVERYONE in the world acknowledges that this team is going to be awful in a few years when they are paying Justin Verlander $28 million at age 35 and Miguel Cabrera and V-Mart $48 million combined. That’s probably not a great idea unless Rob Manfred institutes an extra DH in the American League sometime soon.

Seriously, Miggy is still fairly young and he has had to play through severe pain only to have fairly major medical procedures in the last two offseasons. At some point — probably in the very near future — he is going to have to DH.

The only problem is you just gave $68 million over four years to a 36-year-old player who can only DH!!!! And the nearly unanimous response by EVERYONE  is the Tigers had no choice but to re-sign V-Mart.

The entire baseball world keeps saying the Tigers need to go all-in because of the number of bad contracts they are already on the hook for over the next half decade. The only problem is giving Victor that contract isn’t pushing all of your chips to the middle of the table.

Going all-in would’ve entailed firing stubborn imbecile Brad Ausmus when Joe Maddon became available.

Going all-in would mean never trading Doug Fister for three pieces off the discount table at Big Lots. And if you didn’t think that deal could look much worse, Baseball America listed Robbie Ray as the team’s SEVENTH best prospect.

SEVENTH. In this organization. The one that just traded #1 for Anthony Gose!!!!!

Yep, Robbie Ray is actually behind something called “Domingo Leyba,” which up until yesterday, I thought was a part of the female genitalia.

And Ian Krol didn’t even make the list!!!!!

Going all-in would mean re-signing Max Scherzer (why not, you’ve already gone THIS far); inking Melky Cabrera or Colby Rasmus; and adding Andrew Miller and Pat Neshek.

Or better yet, not getting outbid by the Orioles at the trade deadline for Miller’s services in the FIRST PLACE!!!!

The Tigers are not going all-in. What they are doing is keeping enough of the team’s popular players in tow so they can continue to hover around the three million mark in attendance while enjoying league-best local television ratings.

It’s an absolute recipe for disaster. Baseball writers and pontificators continue to compare Detroit’s eventual implosion in 2018 or sooner to the current predicament of the Philadelphia Phillies.

Except for one thing …. the Phillies won the god-damn World Series first!!!!! On this continued trajectory, we are going to be in store for years of awful baseball without the money shot.

Seriously, Dr. Baseball, I really need some blow and I am in Queens right now….

Knock it off, Darryl Strawberry.

Dr. Baseball — Do you think it is possible that a change of scenery can help Anthony Gose in the same way it helped J.D. Martinez? Going to hold off on judging this trade. — Brian Manzullo, Detroit Free Press Web Sports Editor

Between all of his minor league and Major League designations, the Tigers will be his ninth team since 2008 and his fourth organization. (Although he never even played a game in the Astros’ system.) The dude has had more changes of scenery than Act I of Les Miserables.

Dr. Baseball, you are 1,200 words in and not one AWFUL and forced reset of the Beatles yet? You aren’t doing this right. — Frodo Albom

Shouldn’t you be baking some chocolate chip cookies with walnuts in a treehouse somewhere?

What do you think of the Freep replacing John Lowe with Anthony Fenech?

More awful news. Do you know how often we get a new Tigers beat writer in this town? Lowe and Tom Gage have been covering the team since the fucking Roosevelt administration.

TEDDY’S!

Anyway, we FINALLY get some new blood…and the paper hires Fenech on the cheap. Loyal DSR Reader “LeslieInFortLee” put it best on Twitter:

@JFunk2800 @JeffMossDSR Most daily newspapers hire guys from outside that did cover MLB like KC Star hiring Andy McCullough from a NJ paper

— LeslieinFortLee (@DisgustedNYer) November 13, 2014

@JFunk2800 @JeffMossDSR That’s what it came down to. Still, it’s alarming a daily metro newspaper would go cheap to hire a beat writer.

— LeslieinFortLee (@DisgustedNYer) November 13, 2014

This is the equivalent of an awful Supreme Court confirmation; we are probably stuck with Fenech through 2052.

And what is Fenech’s resume?

Well, he used to screen calls for Mike Valenti and Terry Foster. That should disqualify a candidate from serving Cement Mixers at Culver’s let alone covering a baseball team for a major daily.

While working at 97.1, it came out that Fenech was a Michigan FOOTBALL fan and a Michigan State BASKETBALL fan. There should be a special place in hell for someone who has those loyalties. I mean, Doug Karsch and LeBron James puked in their own mouths upon first hearing that.

Seriously, what kind of front-running bullshit is THAT? Dude should be tried in the World Court for crimes against humanity then publicly stoned in a town square.

This imbecile suggested that Ausmus move Torii Hunter back to the number two hole in the lineup when the relic outfielder had an ON BASE PERCENTAGE of .288!!!!

Then this hipster fuckbag wrote an article suggesting the Tigers bring Hunter back in 2015. Because he is a winner.

A winning player? What does that even MEAN? The guy has as many championship rings as Charles Barkley. Although the Senate candidate in Alabama that Hunter endorsed because the conservative lunatic was against same-sex marriage did WIN so maybe that’s what Fenech is talking about.

Based on this asinine theory, maybe the Tigers can get Robert Horry to platoon with Steven Moya in right field.

And if you follow Fenech on Twitter, I am guessing you should be prepared for more Tweets like this in the near future considering baseball beat writers have A LOT of time on their hands during long road trips ……

Now if you’ll excuse me, she wants to get sushi and I hate sushi but, “Yeah, that’s cool.”

— anthony fenech (@anthonyfenech) July 24, 2014

Last night’s Uber driver from Bangladesh, on if he thinks being married to his cousin is weird at all: “No, I don’t think so.”

— anthony fenech (@anthonyfenech) July 8, 2014

The worst is the aftertaste of diet pop. — anthony fenech (@anthonyfenech) April 6, 2014

But at least the guy clearly knows his baseball. This Tweet was from July 25th. Of this year ….

What a horribly put-together lineup/team/organization/franchise/Dayton Moore.

— anthony fenech (@anthonyfenech) July 25, 2014

Hey Dr. Baseball, having read this article, do you have Dr. Kevorkian’s number?

He’s dead, ya dummy.

Hey, wait a second …. I just had a great idea for a new book. Someone get Hank Azaria’s agent on the horn.

By Jeff Moss
DetroitSportsRag@GMail.com
November 20, 2014

Most of you who are familiar with this website probably are aware that the DSR has a connection with Columbus Blue Jackets defenseman Jack Johnson.

DSR contributor Justin Spiro is very good friends with the former U of M standout. In fact, Jack Johnson was the Best Man at Spiro’s wedding to Leen Spy a couple of years ago.

Just in September of this year, I was brought in as an expert to judge a wager between the two friends and I wrote an article about it for the DSR. In retrospect, I am glad that I decided in Jack’s favor.

Anyway, as you can imagine, after the news broke today that Jack had to file bankruptcy because his parents bilked him out of millions, there were a lot of requests of me to throw in my two cents.

Now, I am sure Spiro has TONS of inside information about this story, but he is my friend and I wouldn’t even ask him to divulge anything that Jack didn’t want out there.  Actually, I knew about this horrific story a couple of months ago and didn’t report about it out of respect for both Spiro and Johnson.

But I did want to pass on a story that might give you a little sympathy for Jack (not like he needs any more after Jack, Sr. and his mom have turned him into the Jackie Coogan of the NHL) and an understanding of his priorities.

Back before the 2011-12 season, Johnson — the #3 pick overall in the Sidney Crosby draft — signed a seven-year contract with the Los Angeles Kings worth a grand total of $30.5 million. That’s an average of about $4.35 million a year.

When the details of the contract became known to the public, I instantly contacted Spiro to ask him if Johnson had lost his mind. Why would he sign a deal for that long a term, even eating up a few of his free-agent years?

At the time, Johnson was considered to be one of the best young defensemen in the league — a rare combination of size and offensive skill. The guy can STILL eat minutes and play on both special teams units; oh, by the way, he also has a howitzer of a slapshot.

(And trust me, the fucking guy is as strong as an ox. He once shook my hand at a Wings playoff game and I almost had to be rushed to Henry Ford Hospital for medical care. I think he still tells Spiro that I have the handshake of a dead fish.)

Three years ago, I figured his best move was to take a shorter deal and roll the dice that he’d get a monster contract averaging more than $6 million per when he was eligible for free-agency.

I mean, we are talking about a league where garbage defensemen like Kyle Quincey make $4 million a year. A dude with the skill set of Johnson’s is always a highly valued commodity.

The answer I got from Justin was that Johnson isn’t a big spender; he is the kind of guy who goes to the matinee movie in order to save a few bucks on a ticket. And the idea of being financially set for life with the seven-year deal was more important to him than taking a short-term contract and rolling the dice.

That’s the guy who now finds himself in bankruptcy court having to answer for all of the shitty things his sperm and egg donors did to him. A professional athlete who played it conservatively when he had every reason in the world to gamble on himself.

Back in February of 2012, Johnson briefly signed up for the DetroitSportsRag message board on Facebook. I always considered it a jinx that he temporarily aligned himself with a bunch of degenerate miseries.

That same evening, Johnson took a delay of game penalty which cost the Kings the game. Later that week he was dealt to Columbus in exchange for Jeff Carter after the development of Slava Voynov make Jack expendable.

If it wasn’t bad enough that Johnson had to move from LOS ANGELES to Columbus — ya know, the home of OHIO STATE UNIVERSITY when he is a huge Michigan slap as well as a product of the university in Ann Arbor — he had to watch his former teammates hoist the Stanley Cup a few months later.

To add insult to injury, the Kings won another Cup this summer while Johnson was left off the 2014 US Olympic team after getting off to a rough start last fall.

And now the news of his parents borrowing against his future earnings with predatory lenders has caused Johnson to end up in court.

While the Wings were pummeling Jack’s Blue Jackets on Tuesday, I went on a Twitter tirade begging Ken Holland to acquire Johnson from Columbus. The Wings need a top-four defenseman who can move the puck while Henrik Zetterberg and Pavel Datsyuk are still in the vicinity of their primes.

The Blue Jackets are going nowhere fast. Wings need to trade for @DarkoStateNews’ best friend, Jack Johnson. #FreeJik

— Jeff Moss (@JeffMossDSR) November 19, 2014

Dylan Larkin, Jakub Kindl and any Red Wings defensive prospect not named Xavier Ouelett for Jack Johnson. Who says no?

— Jeff Moss (@JeffMossDSR) November 19, 2014

You can poo-poo my idea to trade for Jack Johnson all you want. Wings need to make a major trade for offensive minded defenseman THIS year.

— Jeff Moss (@JeffMossDSR) November 19, 2014

Zetterberg and Datsyuk aren’t getting any younger. Gotta make a blockbuster deal before deadline for Top 4 offensive minded defenseman. NOW.

— Jeff Moss (@JeffMossDSR) November 19, 2014

I think I’m on to something. I hear Stan Fischler is reporting that Wings are interested in Jack Johnson. Wait-is Stan Fischler still alive?

— Jeff Moss (@JeffMossDSR) November 19, 2014

Let’s get #JackJohnsonToDetroit trending tonight!!!!!!

— Jeff Moss (@JeffMossDSR) November 19, 2014

Look, Jack is going to be fine regardless. He will be around 31 and in the prime of his career when he becomes a free-agent; he will sign a massive contract that might dwarf the one his parents pilfered. 

Hopefully, now that this is all behind him, he can focus 100% on hockey and develop into the All-Star he was projected to be. 

The Wings need an offensive-minded defenseman to bump Jonathan Ericsson to the third unit and maybe Jack needs a fresh start. It would be a win-win situation for everyone.

Especially Spiro. And shouldn’t making him happy be everyone’s first priority? 

By Jeff Moss
DetroitSportsRag@GMail.com
November 21, 2014

Presented without comment …..

158 #Daysuntilopeningday

— anthony fenech (@anthonyfenech) October 30, 2014

157 #Daysuntilopeningday

— anthony fenech (@anthonyfenech) November 1, 2014

156 #Daysuntilopeningday — anthony fenech (@anthonyfenech) November 2, 2014

155 #Daysuntilopeningday — anthony fenech (@anthonyfenech) November 3, 2014

155 #Daysuntilopeningday — anthony fenech (@anthonyfenech) November 4, 2014

152 #Daysuntilopeningday — anthony fenech (@anthonyfenech) November 5, 2014

150 #Daysuntilopeningday

They open Grapefruit League play the next day against the Orioles. That day is 117 days away. — anthony fenech (@anthonyfenech) November 6, 2014

149 #Daysuntilopeningday

— anthony fenech (@anthonyfenech) November 9, 2014

148 #Daysuntilopeningday

— anthony fenech (@anthonyfenech) November 10, 2014

143 #Daysuntilopeningday — anthony fenech (@anthonyfenech) November 14, 2014

142 #Daysuntilopeningday — anthony fenech (@anthonyfenech) November 16, 2014

141 #Daysuntilopeningday

— anthony fenech (@anthonyfenech) November 17, 2014

138 #Daysuntilopeningday

— anthony fenech (@anthonyfenech) November 19, 2014

137 days from now, it will be Opening Day. — anthony fenech (@anthonyfenech) November 21, 2014

136 #Daysuntilopeningday — anthony fenech (@anthonyfenech) November 22, 2014

Ok. I lied.

Please die.

ALSO, there were 155 days until Opening Day on both November 2nd and November 3rd. THE GUY CAN’T EVEN COUNT CORRECTLY!!!!!

By Jeff Moss
DetroitSportsRag@GMail.com
November 25, 2014

During my lifetime, the three most idiotic examples of blind loyalty I have ever witnessed are the following:

1) Hillary Clinton not leaving Bill after Gennifer Flowers, Paula Jones and Monica Lewinsky’s DNA-stained dress.

2) Mike McDermott’s frustratingly tolerant relationship with Worm in “Rounders.”

3) Detroit football fans and the Lions.

Lions fans have tolerated so much over the last six decades with this pathetic franchise that it is quite incredible that anyone still cares. But they do — even if most of the time they are fully aware that disappointment is almost assuredly right around the corner.

Which is why I am kind of shocked by the fan base’s general reaction to the losses the team has suffered over the last couple of weeks. Even after the maddening offensive display in Arizona and the ass-whipping they received at the hands of the Patriots, the team is still 7-4.

With an incredibly easy schedule down the stretch, the Lions still have to be considered favorites to make the playoffs even if they are currently on the outside looking in due to the NFL’s convoluted tie-breaker rules.

I mean, the team is 7-4 (almost the equivalent of 35-5 for this pathetic bunch) and their last two losses came on the road against the “best” team in their respective conferences.  So why are Lions fans — who have been well-conditioned their entire lives for this sort of hiccup — currently apoplectic?

Well, I have a theory. It’s not the conventional wisdom that the team’s supporters are having flashbacks to the 2013 collapse. With two games remaining against the disjointed Bears; one against the horrid Buccaneers; and another at home against the Vikings it would take a monumental collapse to reenact last year’s plunge.

And I don’t even believe it’s the overall frustration brought on by decades of losing; watching Barry Sanders quit on the team before obliterating the all-time rushing record; 0 and 16; or never even appearing in a Super Bowl, let alone winning one.

No, I think the urgency of the fans of this team is directly related to the belief that they have absolutely no window to compete for championships on a year-to-year basis.

Every other franchise in Detroit sports can boast a recent, fairly substantial period of time where a championship seemed plausible entering the season. The Pistons basically had a shot to win a title every single season between 2004 and 2008.

Shit, the Wings have had a window from about the time Sergei Fedorov got on an elevator and walked away from Team USSR during the 1990 Goodwill Games in Seattle and most fans believe it won’t close until Henrik Zetterberg and Pavel Datsyuk are gone.

And the Tigers’ opening for a potential championship commenced in 2006 and probably has at least one year remaining on its shelf life.

The Lions? They definitely haven’t had a window in this century (and if they had, most of their fans would have taken a flying leap out of it by now). Nope, not since #20 faxed his retirement into the team and then boarded a plane for Heathrow has there even been a plausible expectation of a Super Bowl party.

Which is why, even though it should be considered a rousing success for a franchise with such a shitty track record, the 2014 season has been all kinds of frustrating.

As flawed as the 2014 Lions happen to be, they were a split in Phoenix and Boston (or their general vicinity, anyway) away from being on track for their first division title since 1993 and home-field advantage throughout the NFC playoffs.

Oh yeah, the Lions haven’t won a division title since 1993. I mean, if the team’s title-less streak were a fully functional human being, it would only be a month away from drinking legally in the U.S. What are the odds of going 21 years without winning a division when you have a 25% chance every single season?!???!?!??

And not only did they fail to score a touchdown in losing to the Cardinals, they did so to a team quarterbacked by Drew Stanton.

And while no one expected them to beat the Patriots on the road — the Pats just don’t lose there — they could have least competed in that game.

By Jeff Moss
DetroitSportsRag@GMail.com
November 26, 2014

As you probably already know, Detroit News baseball writer Lynn Henning has a habit of responding to any social media criticism he receives for his asinine takes by claiming that I am the one bashing him.

Doesn’t matter how many followers the Twitter user has. Or if their Twitter avi is a nice picture of the intelligent baseball fan with their wife and newborn child. In Lynn Henning’s fucked up universe, every single person who thinks he is a dolt is Poor Jiff Myst.

It’s actually a pathetic coping mechanism because it is much easier to convince yourself that only ONE person in the world thinks you are nuts as opposed to most every Tigers fan in Detroit.

Anyway, the latest example of this psychotic behavior occurred today when Henning once again accused a critic of being me. Even though he has been advised by colleagues that I don’t have multiple fake accounts utilized for tormenting this maniac.

Here was that exchange:

Just goes back to the Price deal: unnecessary and in no way addressed the team’s greater deficiencies. What a ridiculous sum to have paid.

— Lynn G. Henning (@Lynn_Henning) November 26, 2014

@Lynn_Henning How you continue to kill this trade and somehow defend the Fister deal is beyond laughable.

— Jonathan Schulz (@jschulz79) November 26, 2014

@jschulz79 Jonathan (Jeff): No, I don’t defend, despite Jeff’s constant lies. I have said to wait before judging. And I will. — Lynn G. Henning (@Lynn_Henning) November 26, 2014

@Lynn_Henning So you’ll wait to see if Ray/Krol will suddenly get better, but you can say with certainty that Adames will be a star? — Jonathan Schulz (@jschulz79) November 26, 2014

@jschulz79 Why don’t you just use your real name, Jeff. Hiding, lying, sniping — oh, yeah. That’s part of the package … Que sera, sera.. — Lynn G. Henning (@Lynn_Henning) November 26, 2014

Look, I am not even going to get into this asinine argument about Henning’s defense of the Doug Fister trade and his vicious attack on the David Price deal. Not until Henning answers one question … Name the ONE Tigers prospect that Dave Dombrowski has dealt away that has come back to bite us in the ass.

He refuses to do so. Instead he continues to warn everyone that Jake Thompson, Willy Adames and Cory Knebel are all going to develop into studs that will make Tigers fans rue the day DD dealt them away.

I mean, what are the odds of three prospects panning out when the previous 20 have all flamed out in spectacular fashion? Whatever. So, I was sick and tired of being falsely accused of engaging Henning on his nonsense so I Tweeted out the following:

Everyone needs to send @Lynn_Henning claiming to be me. I will start. — Jeff Moss (@JeffMossDSR) November 26, 2014

.@Lynn_Henning I AM JEFF MOSS!!!!! — Jeff Moss (@JeffMossDSR) November 26, 2014

In all actuality, I didn’t think a lot of my followers would do anything since studies show less than 10% of your active followers actually do any more than lurk.

And I wasn’t just asking for a ReTweet or a Favorite, I was asking them to mock Henning in a direct fashion which probably would lead to him banning them. The scope of what occurred next shocked me. Here is the “I am Jeff Moss” movement in all of its 140-character glory ….

@Lynn_Henning @jschulz79 Let’s be honest. You check your closet at night to see if the boogie man @JeffMossDSR is there.

— Steve Sprague (@spragues03) November 26, 2014

@JeffMossDSR @Lynn_Henning no, I’m Joff Mess

— Matt Pierson (@PM_Gestalt) November 26, 2014

Hey @Lynn_Henning Don’t listen to those other clowns! #IAMJeffMoss @JeffMossDSR

— Troy Feldpausch (@troygoal) November 26, 2014

@JeffMossDSR pic.twitter.com/BaIlXbK16M

— John Ciesielski (@two_hearted_ale) November 26, 2014

@Lynn_Henning I AM JEFF MOSS!!!!! and I have Cable!! #directv @JeffMossDSR

— Powerhouse (@powerhouseOG) November 26, 2014

@Lynn_Henning nono. Don’t believe those imposters. I am Jeff Moss.@JeffMossDSR. # what’smyline

— bryan smith (@goldmine333) November 26, 2014

@Lynn_Henning Lynn, you are right, we are all Jiff Myst @JeffMossDSR

— Jared Reynolds (@batdaddydiesel) November 26, 2014

@Lynn_Henning I’ve had Twitter for over 5 years to lurk. It was all an elaborate ruse to stay dormant until this moment. I am @JeffMossDSR

— Heisenberg (@Torgo2727) November 26, 2014

@Lynn_Henning I am the real jeff moss

— David Shipper (@Dshipnasty) November 26, 2014

@Lynn_Henning I am Jeff Moss, pro scout for the Florida Marlins. Your prospects suck @JeffMossDSR

— Kyle VanOchten (@KVanO4) November 26, 2014

I thoroughly enjoy watching @JeffMossDSR badger Lynn Henning

— popismurf (@johnpopis) November 26, 2014

@Lynn_Henning hey wait a second, I AM THE REAL JEFF MOSS!!!!!

— Eric Birnholtz (@EBernie96) November 26, 2014

@Lynn_Henning This is jeff Moss. I do everything for him. He has control over me.

— Matt (@MP_Gestalt) November 26, 2014

@Ezra9north @JeffMossDSR @Lynn_Henning Even Barack Obama is Jeff Moss in disguise.

— BLake (@B_Lake007) November 26, 2014

.@Lynn_Henning Hi Lynn. Jeff Moss here. Castellanos for MVP ’15!!!

— zeep zorp (@localgangmember) November 26, 2014

@Lynn_Henning I am really Jeff Moss.

— chad macfarlane (@zeekles) November 26, 2014

@Lynn_Henning @jschulz79 I’m jeff moss

— matthew slideford (@dts79) November 26, 2014

@Lynn_Henning I, too, am Moss Man. @JeffMossDSR

— Terry Mills (@robfick18) November 26, 2014

@Lynn_Henning I am Jeff Moss.

— Keri (@kerielyse) November 26, 2014

@Lynn_Henning @JeffMossDSR If all these people are Moss then who the hell am I? #imthereallmoss

— Ivan1335 (@Ivan1335) November 26, 2014

@Lynn_Henning hello Lynn, the real Jeff moss here!!

— Nate Campbell (@natecampbell30) November 26, 2014

@EBernie96 @JeffMossDSR @Lynn_Henning Jeff Moss is Keyser Soze.

— jumbo jones (@Richie48152) November 26, 2014

@Lynn_Henning Hi Lynn. My name is Jeff Moss and I have a raging boner for Max Scherzer.

— LoMo HotDogs (@LoMoHotDogs) November 26, 2014

@JeffMossDSR @Lynn_Henning I am ron burgendy? Oops I mean I am Jeff Moss

— Mitchell Murphy (@Muff89) November 26, 2014

@Lynn_Henning @jschulz79 i am @JeffMossDSR

— Hags (@mackinacmike) November 26, 2014

@Lynn_Henning i am @JeffMossDSR

— Ryan McCumber (@SpartanRyan) November 26, 2014

@Lynn_Henning I am Jeff Moss.

— Klay Sanch Vicario (@Viva_KGNGK) November 26, 2014

@Lynn_Henning @jschulz79 i am @JeffMossDSR

— Hags (@mackinacmike) November 26, 2014

@Lynn_Henning i am @JeffMossDSR

— Ryan McCumber (@SpartanRyan) November 26, 2014

@Lynn_Henning I am Jeff Moss.

— Klay Sanch Vicario (@Viva_KGNGK) November 26, 2014

@Lynn_Henning I am Jeff Moss! @JeffMossDSR

— Mike Burkhardt (@Burk2495) November 26, 2014

Hey @Lynn_Henning I hated the fister trade and think the Tigers should trade all prospects guess that makes Me @JeffMossDSR

— WOLVERINE NATION (@Idryice) November 26, 2014

@Lynn_Henning hi lynnski! I am not jyff must. honest!!! you have some interesting takes. lol

— MJR (@MJR_1980) November 26, 2014

@Lynn_Henning Hey Lynn, I am the real Indian Jeff Moss @JeffMossDSR #iamjeffmoss

— Mansoor (@3mpower) November 26, 2014

@Lynn_Henning hey lynn, I am not the batman, I am Jeff Moss. @JeffMossDSR

— Shawn E. (@Thats__G) November 26, 2014

@mackinacmike @Lynn_Henning @jschulz79 I am @JeffMossDSR

— Brian Bigham (@Funtymepartyboy) November 26, 2014

@Thats__G @Lynn_Henning @JeffMossDSR dissapointed there’s like hundreds of Jeff Moss’, guess thats better than two Lynn hennings.

— Jason A (@Phamily_Man) November 26, 2014

@Lynn_Henning I am @JeffMossDSR and I was wondering if you liked the Price trade?

— Ben Gatchell (@bpgatchell) November 26, 2014

@Lynn_Henning Hi Lynn. I am your best bud @JeffMossDSR

— Nordran Engi (@Nordran) November 26, 2014

@Funtymepartyboy @mackinacmike @Lynn_Henning @jschulz79 @JeffMossDSR Don’t believe the hype. . I Am @JeffMossDSR

— johnfloto (@JohnFloto) November 26, 2014

@Lynn_Henning @JeffMossDSR I most certainly am NOT Jeff Moss, Jiff Myst, Jeff Mossberg, or even Jiffy Jiff peanut putter.

— Fred G Sanford. (@bulabula1) November 26, 2014

@JeffMossDSR @Lynn_Henning HI IM GEOFF MÄS

— Drunk John Gibbons (@2cops1drunk) November 26, 2014

Hey @Lynn_Henning I am the real @JeffMossDSR look at my pic!

— tfjames (@TomFJames) November 26, 2014

@Lynn_Henning @JeffMossDSR I’m the President of the Jeff Moss Imposters Fan Club

— D159 productions (@TheD159program) November 26, 2014

@Thats__G: @Lynn_Henning I’m Tom Izzo. Remember me? When I called you out at that press conference. Actually, I’m Jeff Moss.@JeffMossDSR

— Shawn E. (@Thats__G) November 26, 2014

@Lynn_Henning Much like the plot twist in “The Crying Game”, I am the real @JeffMossDSR Oh, and he technically still has his junk (maybe).

— Jeff Slusser (@jsluss123) November 26, 2014

@Lynn_Henning I was Jeff Moss,I am Jeff Moss ,and I’ll always be Jeff Moss.

— Eric J. Lund (@Airlew) November 26, 2014

Still trickling in ….. RT @barnztormre: @Lynn_Henning I am not @JeffMossDSR, but I am Jiff Myst

— Jeff Moss (@JeffMossDSR) November 26, 2014

@Lynn_Henning Is Nate Cornejo available to be the 5th starter? And, yes, I am also Jeff Moss. @JeffMossDSR

— Jonathan Speedbag (@Jspeedbag79) November 26, 2014

@Lynn_Henning for reals though, I’m Jeff Moss

— Nick Osterland (@nosterland) November 26, 2014

@Lynn_Henning I personally don’t understand the vitriol towards your Tigers positions. I agree 100% with you. I am @JeffMossDSR

— Josh Cobleigh (@kingcobblestone) November 26, 2014

. @Lynn_Henning to be or not to be is the question I’m Jeff. @JeffMossDSR

— Jay Simon (@jay23simon) November 26, 2014

@Lynn_Henning I am Vengeance. I am The Night. I am…AT JEFF MOSS.

— metrichead (@metrichead) November 26, 2014

@Lynn_Henning @jschulz79 Is there anyone on twitter who isn’t @JeffMossDSR ?

— E (@PoundTown10) November 26, 2014

@Lynn_Henning How are Geovanny Soto and Mauricio Robles doing in the minors? They coming to haunt the Tigers soon? Asking for @JeffMossDSR.

— Bad Ausmus (@BoredTigersFan) November 26, 2014

@Lynn_Henning do you choose to use @Skippy peanut butter over @Jif? #IamJiffMyst @JeffMossDSR

— Dv (@D1317V) November 26, 2014

@JeffMossDSR @Lynn_Henning pic.twitter.com/p9ABvrknXv

— BCav (@Bcav93) November 27, 2014

@Lynn_Henning @JeffMossDSR Hi Lynn I am Jeff Moss and please unblock me cause I want to de your best friend.

— Joel C (@sportjmc) November 27, 2014

@Lynn_Henning @JeffMossDSR A show I’m sure you watched. Number 1 what is your name? My name is the real Jeff Moss. Telling the Truth!

— TellintheTruth (@RogerSchmittlin) November 27, 2014

@Lynn_Henning I hate parody accounts like @JeffMossDSR. He is such a poser. Wish he would man up and admit I am Joff Muss.

— James Shryock (@spartanjames) November 27, 2014

@Lynn_Henning Im jeff moss

— Jordan Roman (@TheJRomeDopesho) November 27, 2014

@Lynn_Henning I’m not @JeffMossDSR or Jiff Myst; I am Dr Remulac; I am Dr Remulac; I am Dr Remulac; I am Dr Remulac; I am Dr Remulac

— George Contis (@GEORGECONTIS) November 27, 2014

That’s either A TON of fake Joff Miss accounts or Tigers fans REALLY dislike Lynn Henning.

Pretty sure the poor guy got carpal tunnel while blocking these “fake accounts” while on his Key West vacation.

Retire ya senile fuck.

s

By Jeff Moss
DetroitSportsRag@GMail.com
December 3, 2014

I get a bad rap in this town. Most people familiar with the name “Jiff Myst” think I hate everything and everyone and that I use this platform solely to blast each and every Detroit sports media member.

Hell, just yesterday, one of the local journalists in town whom I actually like BOMBED me on Twitter:

@JeffMossDSR @KapN93 Allow me to express the full breadth and depth of my shock:

— Kyle Meinke (@kmeinke) December 2, 2014

Ya see, people only remember the negative. You Negative Nancies only recall when I blast Drew Sharp, Jeff Seidel, Dr. Football, Vince Ellis, Lynn Henning, Chris McCosky, Chris Idiot, Matthew B. Aggressive Mowery ……

What was I writing? Oh yeah, you Debbie Downers seem to only remember when I post vitriolic messages about Tom Gage, John Lowe, Terry Foster, Matt Dery, Drew Lane, Benedict and the Whale ……

Shit, where was I? Anyway, the point I am TRYING to make is I never get credit for championing the GOOD work of the Detroit Sports Media. I mean, who has been a bigger supporter of Tony Paul of the Detroit News? When I started pointing out that the guy knew his shit and was the most knowledgeable baseball writer in Detroit, he was a NOBODY with like 1,000 Twitter followers.

Now? The guy is hopefully on the cusp of a promotion at his paper; has a regular Tigers radio show on 105.1; and will be covering the Baseball Winter Meetings next week.

I would say it all occurred because of me propping him up, but I am fairly confident that it is actually in spite of my vociferous support.

[And hell, the Winter Meeting working vacation might even be a ruse. I mean, he does have to travel with Officer Barbrady to San Diego.]

For years now I have begged and pleaded on the pages of this websight and on social media for the News to make John Niyo their number one columnist; promote him like he is Mitch Albom of 1989 vintage; and finally come to the realization that Bob Wojnowski handed in his letter of resignation 11 years ago. Nobody has supported Niyo like I have. Not even his wife and 17 children.

And my list of lauded scribes isn’t limited to Niyo and Paul. I have commended the work of Dave Birkett, Josh Katzenbaruchataiadonaielehanumelachhaolamstein, Meinke, Bob Duff, Ansar Khan “Lives With Dad and Mom/ Smokes Pot All Day and He Doesn’t Use a Bong” as well as others.

But I have been typecast as the bully. The dick. The hater. The troll. The dude who is always ripping the work of the lousy so called “journalists” in Detroit. Well, the Rock once told me to “know my role” so if the Vincent Goodwill sneaker fits, I’ll wear it.

Which brings me to this morning’s subject. The fresh meat in Motown. The new third-trimester abortion Tigers beat writer for the Freep, Anthony Fenech. I dislike this punk for so many reasons that I am losing count of them.

First of all, it is an absolute cruel joke that the paper replaced the HORRIBLE John Lowe with this hipster dipshit. These Tigers beat writers have the job security of a Supreme Court Justice (I’m pretty sure Lowe and Gage have been on the beat since Hank Greenberg stepped on the glass at his wedding under the chuppa) and we seem to only get a replacement every other generation.

And sports editor Gene Myers seemingly found a way to replace the old-school imbecile Lowe with the ONE baseball writer under the age of 30 who doesn’t believe in sabermetrics. Don’t believe me? Well, check out this gem from Fenech’s Freep chat yesterday …..

What does that even mean?!!?!?!? Wouldn’t you want the great player as opposed to the guy who has a CHANCE to be a great hitter? Josh Donaldson is one of the best players in baseball.

A left side of the infield featuring Jose Iglesias and Donaldson would be as impregnable as my wife — who has severed fallopian tubes.

(Oh relax, people. We can do in vitro. Got fifteen grand laying around that I can borrow on that if-come? And my wife thinks IIIIIIIIII am the one with the gambling problem. Hashtag shaking my head.)

If not for Mike Trout, Josh Donaldson would be the league leader in WAR over the last two seasons. Castellanos? Had a WAR of NEGATIVE 1.5 in 2014. He would have to improve his WAR by about 1.5 just to get to Jack Hannahan levels.

Nope. We wouldn’t want to trade Nick and some prospects from our depleted farm system for baseball’s version of Peter Forsberg, now would we? Can we get a DNA test stat on this Fenech shithead to make sure Lynn Henning isn’t the father? How about this other gem from his cyberchat?

So, Cespedes has power. He can field. He has an incredible arm. He doesn’t seem like a good fit to me!!!!!! He’s overrated? By whom? The guy who just said he has power, can field and has an incredible arm? Just shoot me now, please. Is the Detroit Free Press some parallel universe where horrid sports takes go to die?

Any baseball team is a better baseball team with Torii Hunter on it. — anthony fenech (@anthonyfenech) December 3, 2014

The Twins just paid $10.5 million for the worst defensive outfielder in baseball — a man who had a WAR of .5 in 2014 and who is turning 40 soon. The only thing the Twins just became is more intolerant of the LGBT lifestyle.  And they are paying through the nose for it.

And keep in mind, Fenech wrote a couple of months ago that he thought the Tigers should keep both Victor Martinez AND Hunter in 2015.

At this point in my diatribe, you might be asking yourself ….. How did this guy get this gig?

Did he attend Harvard, like former Freep baseball writer Pope Jon Paul Morosi? Well, let’s ask Fenech himself ….

Welp. I guess he didn’t wow Myers with that portion of his resume.

Well, maybe Fenech has an impeccable driving record and the Freep knew they could trust him on road trips when renting a mid-size car from Hertz to drive to Safeco or US Cellular ….

Yikes. Well, that can’t be it.

So how did Fenech get this coveted job over co-worker George Sipple, who, according to my sources, was pining for it as well?…..

Oh yeah, that’s right. By doing an end-run, totally brown-nosing his boss and throwing Sipple under the Jerome Bettis.

Sipple was the only other internal candidate that I am aware of and he actually has past experience as a beat writer as he worked MSU athletics before Joe Rexrode.

[Because Trout Forbid the paper go outside its comfort zone and hire a competent baseball writer who doesn’t currently work for the Freep to cover the Tigers. I guess that could only happen if their entire business model wasn’t FUBAR and they could afford that salary.]

So why didn’t the more experienced and tenured Sipple replace Lowe? My sources are telling me that he was never a serious consideration because of his weight issues. Here is a picture of Sipple from the paper …..

That must be an older picture and I guess Sipple has had to have put on some weight because his doppleganger doesn’t seem to be having any physical trouble as Jimmy Kimmel’s Director of Security.

So let me get this straight. Myers is more worried that the arduous travel schedule of a baseball beat writer might kill Sipple than he is about the dude with the underage drinking and driving conviction getting in a Freep-rented Malibu and maiming someone on a Saturday night?

It sure sounds like discrimination to me. Did Sipple not get this job because of his physical appearance? Remember when that Hooters waitress hired the Bernstein Barristers to sue that fine dining establishment because she couldn’t fit into her skimpy outfit?

Hey, George!!! Better 248-Call-Sam!!!!!

Anyway, I sent an email to Myers looking for some answers ….

Of course, I haven’t received a reply from Myers as of this writing. Although I know he received it because I DID get this …..

There is nothing more precious or ironic than getting a “No Comment” or a refusal to answer questions from a member of the fourth estate.

Of course, there are other reasons why I can’t stand Fenech. He has the worst Twitter timeline this side of 2012 Terry Foster. It is filled with gems like this …..

@DietDrPepper pic.twitter.com/ESI2U45gHP

— anthony fenech (@anthonyfenech) March 3, 2014

I’m at the bar and these girls are like we’ve been drinking and then one’s like watermelon and I’m like surfboard. #Surfboard

— anthony fenech (@anthonyfenech) February 23, 2014

This guy grilling Dombrowski on Fister trade: “I feel we did tremendous due diligence.” — anthony fenech (@anthonyfenech) December 4, 2013

“This guy?” That’s Mr. Miss to you.

And how about these doozies where a professional journalist is wishing Tigers prospects a happy birthday on Twitter …..

Oh, and did I mention that this Gene Myers suck-up also roots for Michigan football and Michigan State basketball? That nugget was exposed back in 2006 (ya know, when the Wolverines were good at football) when Fenech was the call-screener for “Valenti & Foster.”

Which wasn’t too long after Foster stabbed the best man at his wedding (Arthur Regner) in the back and went through backchannels to get his pal’s time slot at WXYT. So I guess Fenech learned how to fuck someone over for a gig during his internship, hence the rotting corpse of Sipple.

And any article about this douche bag would be incomplete without mentioning Fenech’s ridiculous daily Twitter countdown to Opening Day.

125 #Daysuntilopeningday

— anthony fenech (@anthonyfenech) December 3, 2014

Are you a six-year-old counting down the days until St. Nick crawls down your chimney or a beat writer for a major daily? This lunatic is posting this every single fucking day even though most intelligent Tigers fans are happy that their lives aren’t being made miserable every night by this maddening franchise.

Can someone PLEASE get George Sipple on a fucking treadmill??!?!?!?!?!?!

The job security of a god damn Supreme Court Justice, I tell ya.

Where’s my copy of “The Pelican Brief?”

By Jeff Moss
DetroitSportsRag@GMail.com
December 3, 2014

While it is unclear if a still-undecided Jim Harbaugh will ever return to Ann Arbor to coach his alma mater, one thing has become clear …. if he doesn’t, money will NOT have been the the stumbling block.

The DetroitSportsRag has learned that the University of Michigan has offered their former quarterback and current San Francisco 49ers head coach a financial package that would make him the highest-paid football coach in the world.

Not the highest paid COLLEGE football coach — surpassing Nick Saban’s enormous deal at Alabama — but the highest paid at any level. Reports are that if Harbaugh says yes to Jim Hackett, he will make more than the Patriots’ Bill Belichick — who reportedly earns $7.5 million a year.

(Unless of course, you include futbol managers. I don’t think Harbaugh will be able to extract more from Michigan than Pep Guardiola does from Bayern Munich.)

Will Harbaugh say yes to this financial windfall?

Stay tuned …….

By Jeff Moss
DetroitSportsRag@GMail.com
December 4, 2014

There have been some new developments in the Jim Harbaugh saga as it relates to the open coaching position at his alma mater.

A potential holdup could be Harbaugh’s custody rights in California regarding his daughter, Grace, from his first marriage. She is the only child from Harbaugh’s first marriage who is a minor.

California has some funky legal entanglements as it relates to divorced parents moving out of state. I am not an attorney, nor do I play one on this website, but Red Wings fans might remember former defenseman Brad Stuart had similar issues a few years back. It is the main reason he left Detroit to sign with the San Jose Sharks.

It would appear something could be worked out between Jim and his first wife,  Miah, though.

It might end up being a financial arrangement, but that shouldn’t be an issue if this site’s report of U of M offering Harbaugh in the neighborhood of $8 million is accurate.

Stay tuned to the DirtSpurt for further updates.

By Jeff Moss
DetroitSportsRag@GMail.com
December 5, 2014

My favorite book of all time is “In Cold Blood” by Truman Capote. I have probably read it six or seven times. I have also repeatedly watched the original movie of the same name starring the dude who allegedly killed his grifter wife.

I have also viewed both films about Capote that focused on “In Cold Blood.” You know, the great one with the late Phillip Seymour Hoffman and the shitty version with that creepy looking guy who most definitely didn’t win an Oscar for Best Actor.

But I am not so obsessed with that book that I take it literally. I don’t invade the homes of nice, unsuspecting families, look for a safe full of money and then kill the family when said safe doesn’t exist.

The only book that inspires that kind of insanity seems to be the Bible — and maybe “Catcher and the Rye” — which uninformed bigots use as an excuse to spew all kinds of nastiness.

This brings us to the latest Torii Hunter controversy, which arose at the press conference for his “I Am Coming Back to Minnesota Where We Are Going to Really Stink and I Am Going to Probably Kill Myself Trying to Play Right Field at Target So I Can Eke Out Another 10.5 Million Dollars” tour.

Look, I don’t like Torii Hunter. I haven’t since he infamously said the following in-between his introductory presser with the Tigers and his first game in Detroit ….

For me, as a Christian…I will be uncomfortable because in all my teachings and all my learning, biblically, it’s not right. It will be difficult and uncomfortable.

That was in response to a question about playing with a homosexual teammate. “Good Guy” Hunter later said that his quote was taken out of context — it was not — and that he would NEVER talk about this issue again.

But after already making it more difficult for a gay baseball player to come out of the closet with his asinine words, Hunter STILL couldn’t help himself this offseason. It would appear Hunter is confused by the meaning of the word “never.”

This is Pine Bluff native and Major League Baseball Player Torii Hunter. I’m asking you to vote for my friend Asa Hutchinson for Governor. Dr. King said that men should be judged by the content of their character. Today we too often prejudge political candidates by their party label. I’m asking you to consider Asa for his actions.

As a lawyer, Asa fought for more majority African-American districts in the state legislature. Asa is committed to the principles we hold dear, like a strong faith in God, equal justice for all, and keeping marriage between one man and one woman. Asa wants all children to have access to computer science, to expand charter schools, and bring more jobs and small businesses into our communities. Asa won’t take your vote for granted. Let’s make real change in our community by casting party labels aside and voting our convictions.

You see, Hunter wasn’t satisfied that gays are kept from earning gainful employment in MLB; he also wanted to insure that they couldn’t get married, share benefits, adopt children or have spousal rights when their significant other is incapacitated in a hospital.

“But Torii Hunter is a good guy,” they all say. Why? Because he is always joking around? Because he is nice to the media and gives them a good quote? Have we not learned ANYTHING from O.J. Simpson, Oscar Pistorius, Bill Cosby and others? We have no fucking clue who the good and bad guys are. WE DON’T KNOW THESE PEOPLE!!!

All I really know about Torii Hunter is that he feels VERY strongly about keeping gay people in the closet without basic civil rights. Based on a book of fiction that was written 2,000 years ago.

During the above-referenced Twins presser, Mike Berardino of the Saint Paul Pioneer-Press asked Hunter a couple of questions about this sensitive subject that Hunter didn’t appreciate. They were extremely respectful queries that led to Hunter calling Beradino a “prick” five times. Ya know, the kind of behavior that you’d expect from a heathen atheist like myself.

Anyway, noted weasel Michael RosenNebbish chimed in this afternoon about this kerfuffle because I guess he hasn’t yet figured out a way to strip Rich Rodriguez of his Pac-12 Coach of the Year trophy.

Here was RosenDweeb’s defense of Hunter:

For me, though, this is one of those moments where you start to understand how somebody you like can hold views you don’t respect at all. Hunter grew up a devout Christian in Arkansas. His father Theotis is a crack addict. Hunter would probably say that he would not have made his journey to baseball stardom without his religious beliefs, and he was taught that homosexuality is a sin.

If he had grown up in a non-religious but loving family in New York or Northern California, Hunter would probably feel differently. I hold out hope that his views will evolve over time, and he will come to understand that homosexuality is not evil or a threat. But Hunter may feel this way for the rest of his life.

At what point do we stop forgiving bigotry based on a book that makes “Game of Thrones” seem like non-fiction? A tome to which Torii Hunter is a slave even though he would still be in shackles today if the Bible were always interpreted literally.

Except Hunter REALLY isn’t THAT dependent on the Bible; he supposedly has FOUR children by FOUR different women. That we know about. I guess he is devout until he gets horny.

That hypocrisy is what is most galling about Hunter’s anti-gay marriage crusade. It would still be awful if Hunter had these views and actually walked the walk of modern-day Christianity. But he doesn’t. Not even close.

In Hunter’s world, he can fuck whomever HE wants, but [Trout] forbid two consenting adults want to be monogamous in their relationship.

And for Hunter to become indignant over Berardino’s two questions about his well-known views is even more absurd. The reporter asked him if he thought he took a near 20% pay cut because of his outspoken views and later asked if he would continue his anti-gay crusade in Minneapolis.

What Hunter should have said in response is: My anti-equality take had NOTHING to do with my lesser contract. Did you see me play right field in Detroit last year?!?!!?!? Did you look up my defensive runs allowed numbers???

Instead, Hunter called Berardino a prick repeatedly and unleashed this gem …

“I think whoever believes in that sabermetrics stuff never played the game and won’t understand it. There’s no way you can measure playing outfield. Only your eyes can do that, and the (Paul) Molitors or the guys that play this game can only measure ‘if he can play the outfield or not.’ “

Holy shit, am I glad this guy doesn’t play for the Tigers any longer. What a fucking flat-Earther on EVERY subject.

And the second query regarding whether or not Hunter will continue to broach subjects related to gay rights? Hunter said hell no — which means he probably won’t chime in until at least May.

And people wonder why it is news when Umpire Dale Scott announces to the world that he is a gay man who is married.

I know it won’t happen because Scott is probably a good human being who can separate these sort of things, but I would love to see him squeeze Hunter at the plate this season when he is behind the dish.

Oh, get your minds out of the gutter. I meant expand his strike zone, you fucking sickos.

By Jeff Moss
DetroitSportsRag@GMail.com
December 5, 2014

I promised myself that I wasn’t going to post a blog on the DSR every time Mitch “Condescending Baggins” Albom wrote another “Dr. Football” atrocity in the Detroit Free Press.

I penned an article when I first discovered this abomination of journalism. I then followed that up with my exclusive story on why Frodo submits this drivel to his editor. Spoiler Alert: The Freep has a column quota for him to meet.

And finally, I washed down those two pieces with this mockery of the Keebler Elf a few days later.

I thought I was finished with Albom’s horrid attempts at comedy and his fascination with Peyton Manning; I swore I wasn’t going to give this little shit any more attention for his mail-it-in “columns” produced for the sole purpose of meeting his contractual obligations with the fish wrap.

But I woke up this morning and was swamped on social media with links to the Hero of the Menopausal’s latest embarrassment, specifically this passage:

Can you imagine Frodo’s absolute lack of awareness in making this asinine comment?

Forget for a moment that Rich Rodriguez has won EVERYWHERE he has coached outside of Ann Arbor …..

Forget for a second that, on the same the day that Brady Hoke was shitcanned by Jim Hackett, RichRod was named the 2014 Pac-12 Coach of the Year …..

Let it escape your mind for the time being that Albom’s buddy Lloyd Carr sabotaged Rodriguez’s tenure in A2 at every opportunity, INCLUDING advising some player(s) that they should attend Ohio State (ya know, one of Michigan’s “Big Three Rivals”) …….

Just imagine that none of that occurred and some of it wasn’t captured in a brilliant book written by the extremely well-respected John U. Bacon. Just turn it off. Like a light switch. Just go, click. What a cool little Mormon trick …

What?

Anyway, throw all of that out the window and remember the following ….

A columnist for the Detroit Free Press actually has the hubris to belittle Rich Rodriguez when his OWN EMPLOYER allowed a columnist (Michael RosenTorah) to vengefully derail Rodriguez’s program over absolutely nothing more than swear words and a petty grudge against Bill Martin!!!!!!!

I mean, this little midget has the audacity to ridicule Rodriguez when the newspaper that is giving him the platform to write DR. FOOTBALL columns is significantly responsible for the chain of events which led to RichRod coaching for a Pac-12 title against Oregon this evening and not leading the Wolverines.

[BTW — Have you RSVP’d yet? The DSR is hosting a RichRod viewing party of the Oregon/Arizona game at the Buffalo Wild Wings in Farmington Hills on Lake Orchard. BEAR DOWN!!!!!]

It’s like Malcom Jamal-Warner and Lisa Bonet blaming Janice Dickinson and Lou Ferrigno’s wife for not having a good time when they were in the company of Bill Cosby.

Actually, it might be nothing like that but I am extremely angry about this and I was desperate to make some sort of convoluted analogy!!!!!!!!!

Anyway, let’s go to the comments under Frodo Baggins’ latest dreck. That should calm me down for a moment.

Fuck, this paper is such an embarrassment at this point. And I really look forward to throwing more dirt on its legacy next week. HURRY UP, WOODHAVEN RECORDS DEPARTMENT!!!!!

By Jeff Moss
DetroitSportsRag@GMail.com
December 6, 2014

The DetroitSportsRag has learned from sources inside the Michigan Athletic Department that the mystery head coaching candidate to replace Brady Hoke is current New Orleans Saints head coach Sean Payton.

Sources are telling the DSR that the Super Bowl winning coach is “really interested” in the vacancy in Ann Arbor and that Athletic Director Jim Hackett has had several conversations with Payton over recent days. We are being told that this isn’t just smoke and that Hackett and Payton have had “extensive contact.”

There has been speculation that Hackett spent Thursday in New Orleans but we have not been able to confirm that rumor as of yet. What we do know is there is interest on both sides.

Stay tuned …….

By Jeff Moss
DetroitSportsRag@GMail.com
December 6, 2014

Back in October, noted five-tool imbecile Terry Foster announced on his awful blog that he would be opening a new Mexican restaurant in Chesterfield Township.

A few days after that announcement he Tweeted out the following:

@mikeembryjr We are opening a Tex-Mex restaurant in two weeks called Mariachi’s. Follow my twitter for more information.

— Terry Foster (@TerryFoster971) November 3, 2014

Well, it’s been five weeks and the place still isn’t open; according to the 97.1 moron, the doors of Mariachi’s Cantina will be open soon ….

Stopped by Mariachi’s Cantina on 23 Mile Road and Gratiot . It is colorful, will have good drinks and is close to opening. Stay tuned — Terry Foster (@TerryFoster971) December 6, 2014

Yep, Terry Foster is actually attempting the EXTREMELY rare trifecta of failed Eastside food service ventures. First there was Candy Express at Lakeside Mall. Then there was the monumental failure in Fraser known as Foster’s Smokehouse.

And now we have Mariachi’s Cantina. I mean, could you have come up with a more stereotypical name for a Mexican dining establishment? Was Speedy Gonzalez’s Restaurante taken?

Anyway, when Foster opened up the Smokehouse, the DSR ran a contest asking how many days it would be open and we gave away Tigers tickets as a prize. So, we figured that we would do the same thing again with the Cantina.

The person who correctly predicts the date on which Mariachi’s Cantina will be shuttered for good will win a pair of tickets to a Red Wings and Tigers game. That’s a total of four tickets provided by our good friends at the TicketMachine.

If you ever need tickets to a local event, you can call the TicketMachine at (888) 887-4411. Tell them Jiff Myst sent ya.

Here are some facts that you might want to consider while handicapping the imminent death of Mariachi's Cantina:

• Foster’s Smokehouse lasted a total of 124 days.
• Foster’s Smokehouse’s “Soft Opening” lasted 91 days.
• Foster’s Smokehouse closed for good 33 days after its “Grand Opening.”
• The location of Mariachi’s Cantina formerly housed an Outback Steakhouse.
• The price for Outback Steakhouse shares closed at $41.10 on Friday on the New York Stock Exchange.
• Mariachi’s Cantina is NOT a publicly traded company nor is it one of the most popular chain restaurants in the free world.

So here are the rules for entering the “Mariachi Cantina Muerte Challenge” …….

All you have to do is email me at DetSportsRag@GMail.com with the subject line of “Mariachi Cantina Muerte Challenge.”  Give me a date (make sure you include a year) on which you think this place will follow Foster’s candy store and the Closedhouse™ (Justin Spiro) into oblivion.

There is no fee for entering, but each person is limited to just one entry.  All you have to do is give me the date on which you think the place will close and your FULL name.

The contest will close on Tuesday, December 8th at 11:59pm.

Good luck!

By Jeff Moss
DetroitSportsRag@GMail.com
December 6, 2014

Earlier today, the online wagering site SportsBook.ag sent out the following Tweet:

Jim Harbaugh 2015 Coaching odds suspended after a stream of bets on Michigan moved them from 8-1 to 2-1 yesterday afternoon

— Sportsbook.com ® (@Sportsbook_com) December 6, 2014

The announcement led some news-starved Michigan fans to believe that someone might have inside knowledge that Jim Harbaugh is heading to Ann Arbor, so I contacted the gambling website for some further information.

This is what I learned from the people at SportsBook.ag about their decision to remove the prop bet from their wagering menu:

Hi there….our limits for this market were $2k max win per bet. Its a volatile high risk market where the public may know more than us. It was a novelty bet so none of the bets were there sizable, it was the amount of bets that got our attention as it didn’t matter how low we went, they just kept coming in…

We’ve been researching it more and more we can’t explain the action other then (sic) someone might know more about his coaching situation than us. We might consider opening it up again, but at this point it’s off the board.

Take that information however you would like.