By Jeff Moss
DetroitSportsRag@GMail.com
November 4, 2014
Because of some work duties and Breeders’ Cup preparation I have been a little behind on updating some DSR-related stories, so let’s play catch-up on a BIG story that broke last week ….
The Return of African-American Matt Prentice
In case you missed it, 97.1 host, Detroit News writer and five-tool imbecile Terry Foster announced last week that — INCREDIBLY — he is going back into the food service business on the East Side.
This will be third venture for Foster, after failing miserably with a candy store that went out of business at Lakeside Mall and the record-setting historic failure of Foster’s Smokehouse in Fraser.
It’s hard to understand why the hell Foster would go back into this sort of business AGAIN after two monumental failures, but of course this is a man who thinks “guerrilla” warfare is spelled “gorilla” warfare, so intelligence quotient is likely a contributing factor.
Anyway, this new joint isn’t going to include Foster’s name as it would appear that no one was clamoring to eat at an establishment with some two-bit nobody’s name on it.
Hilariously, it is going to be called Mariachi’s Cantina. Why is that funny? Well, when the DSR handed T-Fos the 2014 Detroit’s Worst Sports Media Personality trophy, we were accompanied by a mariachi singer performing “One Shining Moment” in Spanish.
So, this new place is going to be located at 23 Mile and 1-94 in Chesterfield Township. The location is so remote that I am pretty sure the area was once used as a base by the Rebel Alliance to hide from the Empire before moving to Hoth.
Even better, the building in which this new Mexican restaurant is housed was formerly an Outback Steakhouse. Yes, you read that correctly. An Outback couldn’t make it in this location. AN OUTBACK STEAKHOUSE!!! Have you ever heard of one of those places going under?
Now, Foster and his merry band of dolts who should be featured on “Kitchen Nightmares” are going to take over this spot? Ya gotta believe me. This would be like Joe and Brian Hackett of Sandpiper Air trying to save Pan American World Airlines after Pan Am went bankrupt.
Here are a few comments from Bizarro Bobby Flay on the new project ….
There is a lot more I want to tell you but it is best to not let the cat out of the bag all at once. The new restaurant will have more of a Tex-Mex feel and the thing I am most excited about is we are working with people that will come up with different drink concepts.
It will be appealing to women and people who’ve had a rough day at work and want to enjoy good food and a nice drink. We will have music and happy hours.
Yep, the main factor causing Foster’s Smokehouse to close in under six months was the lack of “Happy Hours.” It will be appealing to women and people? I mean …..
I had hesitations about the old location in Fraser but a friend of a friend owned the building and he just wanted somebody in there. So in we rolled. But one thing you cannot stop is life from happening.
There were bad hires and too many deaths in our families all at once and we lost focus. Now the focus is back because we have a concept we all agree on with a location and building we all agree on.
Wait, what? You had hesitations about the location? Bad hires? Deaths in the family? We were led to believe that Foster’s Smokehouse was a rousing success even though it didn’t last as long as a typical Kardashian marriage.
Just one of Foster’s many lies about the demise of the Smokehouse. I wonder if they cleaned up that tax lien problem before investing in a new restaurant.
The last time Foster opened up a restaurant, the DSR ran a contest asking our readers to guess how long it would remain in business. The winning answer was 124 days.
Because the dummy’s name isn’t actually on the marquee this time, the experience won’t be as much fun. Expect a similar contest if/when this joint opens, however. So stay tuned for the chance to win some Wings or Tigers tickets.
In the meantime, if you care to immerse yourself in our award-winning coverage of the Foster’s Smokehouse debacle, here is some light reading ……
2013 DSR Raggie — Worst Restaurant Venture
The Foster’s Smokehouse Obituary
Tax Lien Slapped on Foster’s Smokehouse
Foster’s Smokehouse Police Report
Will Foster’s Smokehouse Soft Opening Ever End?
Foster’s Smokehouse TV Commercial
A Contractor Allegedly Assaulted at Foster’s Smokehouse
Foster’s Smokehouse Going out of Business Predictions
Terry Foster’s Smokehouse Hypocrisy